Recently, I attended a Women in Business event, and beforehand, I found myself agonizing over what to wear. Suit jacket? Heels? Or my usual bright-coloured knit top and flats? I realized I was in a place of feeling caught between wanting to do what worked for me, and wanting to impress, or fit in with some “professional standard”. I was in an internal battle over whether to show up authentically. As soon as I realized that, the answer was obvious. Since I’m in the business of helping other people show up authentically, I’d better do the same myself. So off I went in my hot pink 50% merino wool knit top, and black flats. And I’ll tell you what happened, but first, I want to explore this question:
How do we show up authentically, especially in scenarios that feel higher stakes, like public speaking, networking, interviewing, or pitching?
Showing up authentically means being genuine, honest, true to yourself. It’s not about being perfect or conforming to someone else’s expectations. It’s risky, but the rewards are significant. Here’s how to do it, and why.
- Know your Values: Being aware of your values helps you to show up authentically. You’ll be clear about what is important to you and that’ll help you make decisions. For example, for me, I value beauty, comfort, practicality, movement, efficiency, uniqueness, fun, and calculated risk. My warm, bright shirt and flat, easy-to-run-in shoes lines up with all these values. Staying true to your values even in difficult situations helps you become consistent, a leader others understand and choose to follow, and helps you know that even though the situation and choices were difficult, you’ll have peace of mind knowing you did what was right by your own inner compass. Aligning your actions to your values will help you, over time, to be surrounded by people who share similar values. Aligning to your values can give you greater well-being and levels of fulfillment. What are your values? If you’re not sure and want help, Executive Coaching is a great way to discover your value set.
- Remember about Executive Presence: I must acknowledge that in the world of business, if you want to develop Executive Presence, personal appearance does matter, including your choice of clothes and personal grooming. And so, if you are trying to show up authentically while also exuding Executive Presence, it may feel like walking a fine line between the two. But don’t worry! It’s possible! And if you’re not sure how – get help from a fashion consultant. I have, and it’s been amazing.
- Embrace Vulnerability: Being truly who you are is RISKY – I get it. What if others don’t like what they see? Good news: being vulnerable, including showing emotion, helps us to form bonds with others because they see us as more human and more like them. Being not perfect, not having all the answers, not wearing the same “uniform” others seem to wear is an implicit invitation to others to also embrace their own authenticity. That it’s ok to strive for something big, and to make mistakes along the way. To feel and express emotions. To be unique, to dare to stand out. Showing vulnerability breeds courage and encourages others to do the same.
- Believe in your value. When you feel more certain in who you are and that what you bring to the table is worthy, it’s easier to be authentic. So check in – what are your internal thoughts about yourself? If they are frequently critical, undermining you, causing you doubt and uncertainty, this would be a great place to do some personal work. Again, Coaching can help.
- Self Reflect. Consider various situations and what made it easy or hard for you to show up authentically. Take into consideration both the surface level factors, and what is going on underneath for you, internally. Say you are fine talking to others in a 1:1 setting at work, but when you have to present something to your superiors, suddenly everything changes. Your throat clamps up, your voice quavers, you can’t remember what you wanted to say. What are the thoughts going on in your mind in that moment? What beliefs underpin those thoughts? When you discover a limiting belief, as soon as you question it (“Is that really what I believe?”) it’s power diminishes, and you have the opportunity to replace it with something else. Making self-reflection an ongoing practice helps you to see yourself in real time and make changes as you go.
- Foster Genuine Connections. If you are feeling anxious about showing up authentically, instead of going into performance mode and thinking about yourself, focus your attention and energy on others in the room, and making a genuine connection with them. Ask them questions. Show interest. Listen deeply. Get curious. Curiosity is a great antidote to performance anxiety, and really helps to develop connections. That, along with eye contact where you really see and allow yourself to be seen, helps calm your nervous system, and will bring you into a place where you feel you can be authentically YOU.
If you’d like help with any of this, of course, I’d love to hear from you.
About the pink sweater? Well, at the end of the event, during which time there had been much laughter, genuine connections made, and a lot of interest expressed in my work, the host said “This is such a great colour on you. It’s so YOU! You have to wear this more often.” And I will. 😊
The pink sweater, in action, during a workshop recital, where we’re flexing our silly sides, being vulnerable, and having a heck of a fun time!
Camilla combines careful listening, acceptance, enthusiasm and challenge to help all her clients reach their maximum potential.
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